Something I didn’t understand in the earlier stages of my pregnancy was why women complained about being pregnant. I don’t mean the “ow my back” complaints, I mean the “I’m tired of it I’m ready to be done” complaints. Until I hit 37 weeks that is.
See, I’ve been lucky thus far, and I know it. I didn’t suffer bad bouts of morning sickness. I didn’t have any bad complications. Cravings were rare if not altogether non-existent. I didn’t have horrible mood swings that turned me into a raging evil beast towards Bob909. (That’s not to say there weren’t a few moments of frustration, but I don’t think they were much worse than how I am when not pregnant.) The worst thing I’ve suffered during my pregnancy has been the hip relaxing issues that have made walking and sleeping increasingly difficult. So when I found myself saying I’m ready to be done, I was surprised! Was I really tired of being pregnant? And the answer is a resounding “Yes!”
It seems 37 weeks is that magic moment. By now the baby is full term. She could come at any moment and be just fine. From the moment I hit 37 weeks, I’ve been hoping every day, all day, that labor would start. It’s my own personal torture which isn’t helped by the fact that everyone I talk to only bothers to ask “How long now?” like I’m no longer a person, I’m just a baby incubator waiting to spit one out. Oh sure, “Have you had her yet” might be followed up with the question of “How are you feeling”, but it all boils down to one subject, the baby.
Bob909 hasn’t had it any easier either. Everyday at work for him, people walk up and ask “Has she gone into labor yet?” Not thinking about the fact that if I were in labor or had had our daughter he wouldn’t be at work, he’d be at the hospital or at home with us!
As each week has passed it only gets worse. The outside nagging piles up and wears us down. I call Bob909 and the first thing he asks is if I’m in labor. Actually, it got so bad that when I called and he answered I’d start off the conversation with “I’m not in labor.” If I wake up in the middle of the night (and I do about 6 times from initially going to bed to when I’m tired of tossing and turning and finally get up) he wakes up and asks me if it’s contractions. I make a groan or a sign or an ooh from getting up or the little bot moving and he asks if it’s labor. And every time it isn’t.
Then there’s the “Can we make it happen sooner” attempts. We talk about my walking more, climbing stairs, acupressure, having the massage therapist focus on the points that are supposed to induce. And yes, of course, I’m doing all these things as well as eating spicy food every meal I could and every other old wives tale that is supposed to work. When I went to the midwife I had her check my progress and while I was happy to hear I was 1 cm and 50% effaced, I was frustrated knowing that that meant nothing really because it just doesn’t work that way.
Now I’m at 39 weeks and I’m miserable. I can’t stand hearing anyone ask if she’s come yet or are we getting close. The phone rang today and I was going to ignore it cause I knew it was just someone asking if the baby has been born yet. It was my dad so I answered, but sure enough the first thing he asked is if I had any news. Same with my brother, who surprisingly you would think remembers the agony, but apparently both their sons were a month early, so they didn’t go through this part of pregnancy.
I think this has to be the worst part of being pregnant for me. I’m not a patient person and I want to see my daughter. But it’s more than that. I want to be a human being again. I don’t want strangers on the street asking me when I’m due. I don’t want every conversation I have to be about when this baby is going to arrive. I suppose I should realize that it’s just going to transform into every conversation being about her and how she’s doing and how I’m handling having her. I’m just hoping I can get some of myself back and have a conversation that isn’t focused solely on breeding, that someone will talk to me about my interests or something. Then again, will I have any interests that aren’t centered around our little bot after this? I’m already having trouble remembering what any of those were which is definitely disturbing. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.